“I ain’t Perfect.”

This blog entry is going to be a little personal. I would apologise for those that would find this kind of stuff boring, but what else did you expect other than personal stuff when you get onto my blog?

I have been having issues with my body for quite some time. I’ve almost always had an issue with my weight, and of course recently I’ve had issues with depression that have been diagnosed and worked on. Well, neither of them seem to have made any recent progress¬†so I’m trying different ways of dealing with them this time.

My weight has always been an issue for me, apart from when I was doing a paper round and I was exercising hard for about an hour each day while earning next to nothing. When a certain someone (1 million Kinah, I know [it’s an inside joke]) says behind your back that you look like you’re “pregnant with triplets” it tends to stick, regardless of the source. I’ve been watching what I eat, and writing it down. That daily routine of checking my weight means that I’m constantly on it, though I am slipping just as regularly. Eventually it will stick, though without exercise I’ll constantly be fighting this battle. I don’t want to be fighting this forever, I want to get fit and in the last week and a half I have lost 11lbs. I reckon most of that was just weight from my stomach being a literal conveyer belt of food, but progress is progress.

My depression is something that I’ve only addressed properly in the last three years or so. A combination of stress and fatigue brought it to a head, and long story short I feel I’ve beaten the worst of it, though we are heading into winter and that makes things worse for me (see: Seasonal Affective Disorder). This is a problem that leads to the weight issue. I eat for comfort, and I eat when I’m bored. I find myself trying to find things to do in order to make sure that I don’t reach for the fridge. My previous flat was lethal for that, as it took me less than five paces to get from the chair to the fridge and¬†stuff my face.

Both of these I will soon be taking supplements for, because I remember feeling better while I was on them. The Vitamin D and Calcium combo in particular was effective for me as while it also helped my bones and teeth, Vitamin D is something we make when we’re exposed to UV light, something that is associated with SAD as there’s a lack of direct sunlight in winter. There’s another supplement that is more dietary than medical and more herbal than anything else, but there’s a lot in it for energy management and conversion, along with helping with high blood sugar, something I’m sure I have.

Then there’s the not so easy stuff; diet and exercise. I have very little self control at the moment, and that is the majority of my issue when it comes to following a diet. I’ll go with the basic calorie control method for now, and see how I do. I’m tempted over the next few days to list what I eat normally as calories and see how much I actually take; it’ll give me a good ballpark for what I need to look at as a target. As for exercising, for now I’ll be restarting DDP Yoga. I’m honestly too ashamed to be in a gym doing rowing or elliptical, and that is sad. At least, for now.

It’s not going to be easy, but nothing ever worth having is. My real test is going to be when I am off in a week and a half. The temptation there will be high. But I have to decide whether I want to eat a tub of ice-cream in a single sitting, or whether I want to have a glass of orange juice, get a similar feeling and do something productive.

1 Comment “I ain’t Perfect.”

  1. Liam

    For anxiety and depression, try using ashwagandha and 5-HTP. Check that you can take these with your current meds though. 5-HTP would help with both mood and curbing your appetite.

    As for weight loss, try going to the gym at least three times per week and working your way up to 45 minutes of intense cardio. Limiting intake of calories to no more than 1,800 per day will result in sustainable weight loss.

    More importantly, give yourself a break and take time for self-care.

    Be well.


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