I’m a part of Cyrus Gaming, in case you didn’t know ([/sarcasm]). We’re a guild that has been around in one form or another since March 2009. I joined on the 4th of October 2009 when I was in Aion, and stayed for almost a year before I learned a hard lesson from Redh, Cyrus’ leader. Long story short, after a while of bouncing back and forth, I came back in 2015 to stay when I finally realised that it was my home when gaming in a group, and nothing I could say or do would change that.
So, when he comes at me a couple of days ago, saying that he’s ‘loving the new [me]’ and that ‘It reminds [him] of the old [me]’, I was taken aback. I didn’t think I’d done anything different than usual. But then I thought about it, and realised I had been doing more, and not thinking about it.
Most of my life in the past couple of years has been passive outside of work, and that might be down to the way I prioritised my life. My life was work because I took pride in it, and thus it was what I wanted to focus on as it was the only part of my life that I did take pride in. And therein lied the problem; I was proud of the work that I had put into something that achieved nothing for me, and everything for someone else. Don’t misunderstand me – I like my work, and I like the people I work with; they’re akin to family to me, and each time one of them moves on I’m happy for them but it’s bittersweet.
But when I started thinking about what I wanted to do outside of work, and actually put some effort in, is where I believe the turning point was. Twitch streaming validated a lot of the hardware purchases I’d recently bought, and I enjoy doing it; it gives me a push to play a game that I always said I would play, and never got around to it, and be part of, or build, a community at the same time.
Even doing something as comparatively small as going for my full motorcycle licence is big for me, because it’s a change from the norm, and I felt fulfilled and content on the way home from the test centre; I’d achieved something, and outside of work that is rare for me.
And right there is where I need to focus; personal achievement.
This blog in itself is in essence a way of achieving, as writing regularly and creating a pattern is what I need to keep moving in life; I live life best in terms of routine and repetition and any changes to that pattern throw me off. I should’ve figured that out when I finished college, but I didn’t. I’ve come to think of it as being in the metaphorical eye of the storm; why should I move out of where it is safe for a chance at freedom when, no matter what direction I move, the path is fraught with danger?
So why am I writing this? Because I wanted to make it known that words like those matter, and while they may be without physical worth, to those that need to hear it, they’re priceless. We’re not an entirely social species outside of mutually beneficial communities, and making the world more connected through social media can actually encourage that isolation to grow stronger, as ideas that are perfectly grounded in the local area, can be ridiculed or discarded elsewhere.
That, and I wanted to make a note of what a friend said to me, and remember who it was that said it.
I would have used the Captain America ‘You’re my friend’ GIF, but we’re much more passive aggressive than him and Bucky.
This year is looking to be the first year where I actually meet all of my goals set at the beginning of 2017. I’m already thinking about 2018’s goals, even when there’s nearly a quarter of the year still left to go. The next step for me is to set my own goal dates instead of relying on cliche things like resolutions. I’m adding one to the list, because I don’t want to be listless, in any of the three definitions.
I’ve come to the conclusion that retail isn’t for me anymore. For better or for worse, the path that I’ve taken and the obstacles in said path have brought me to the point where unless something changes drastically, I don’t see a future for myself beyond where I am now. That in itself should be enough for me to move on, but with my life as it is, there’s little chance of me getting a job that can give me what I need with my current experience and qualifications. So, I want to change that.
The bonus goal is “Begin an Accountancy Course with AAT”. That means apply, secure the funding, and actually begin their starter course. In theory, I should have it completed before Easter next year even if I started on January 1st, so getting it started is my goal.
Feels good, man.