There’s been plenty of times this year when I considered just deleting this blog and turning it into something else, like a linklist or a resource area for other things to do. I haven’t, opting instead to leave it up.
Often when this happens I go through two phases. Usually I go through a phase where I’m afraid to write on here; that I have to curate every single sentence into perfect wording and structure. This leads inevitably to not having anything up here, because I don’t have anything I’m happy with. It’s not perfectionism, it’s OCD and a weight I put on myself because it will be online forever. The second phase usually follows (but can replace) the first and boils down to me hating what I’ve written or designed as I’ve let that lack of current content in turn reflect more harshly on what already exists.
This time is different as I’ve not felt either of these, or much of anything in regards to writing. I’ve let it slide, and then forgotten about it. I’ve occasionally logged in but only to check that it still works and perform maintenance on plugins, themes etc. Oddly enough while writing this entry I’ve had to double check the wp_config.php file, and edit the theme’s functions file as I couldn’t upload any pictures properly.
I could just say that the way I’ve been online is symptomatic of my real life; stationary. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I went on a missions trip to the Philippines, I’ve been sorting my head out and more besides. While work has never been a problem, I’ve finally started ironing out the issues I have with communication. I have friends now; as sad as that may sound I’ve been a person very happy with being alone. But something on here? Nothing.
There’s two paths that I can go down with how I’m feeling: I can either make this a monument to who I was and either let it disappear or delete it, or make it an opportunity to express who I am and let the differences speak for themselves. I do want to keep this going, but at the same time I really don’t want to get to the point where I was obsessing over the permanence of each time I hit Publish.
I’ll see how it goes, I guess.